I Called Her A Name and Now I Call Her My Fiancé

I have been friends with my now-fiancé since our freshman year of high school in the fall of 1989. Apparently at some point I called her a name similar to "horse-face" and she was mad at me for a while, then got over it. I had forgotten all about that, but looking back at our yearbooks from that year I had written a long apology for calling her "something bad." We remained friends through the rest of high school, and even went to a Christmas formal together our junior year. Funny to look at that picture now, knowing that I was holding the hand of the woman I would later spend the rest of my life with. We look so young, and I had so much more hair then ;-) College came around and we both attended the local community college in Reedley, CA for one year. We had most of our classes together that year, and I later found out that she used me to gain information on books we were supposed to read in our literature class so she didn't have to read them. She probably got better grades than I did in the end... We also took a short road trip to visit some mutual friends who had gone to Santa Barbara to college straight out of high school, but she still doesn't recall that weekend at all, and half doesn't believe me that it took place. The end of that year came around, which found us moving in different directions... her to Azusa (near Los Angeles) and me to Seattle. Not much communication occurred during the remaining college years. She graduated in 1997 and proceeded to move further south to San Diego. I graduated in 1998 and decided to take a year off before continuing on to graduate school. During this year, I was accepted to be part of a Christian-based discipleship training school on a medical missions ship, the Caribbean Mercy. I boarded the ship in Astoria, OR in October 1998, and we made many stops down the US west coast gaining supplies and volunteers for our upcoming outreach in Central America. After an impromptu sail to Nicaragua to restock local hospitals with supplies and antibiotics following the devastation of Hurricane Mitch, we returned to the port in San Diego, where we would remain for a few weeks before returning to Nicaragua for our scheduled three-month outreach. I knew Amy lived in San Diego, so I looked her up and we reconnected for the first time in a few years. She came to tour the ship, and I went out to dinner with her and another high school classmate who lived in the area. We saw each other once more while I was in the area, when she took me to church with her. Then our communication via e-mail began... still as friends. The end of that year brought me to Memphis, TN, where I attended graduate school for four years. After my second year finished, Amy told me in an e-mail that she had vacation days she needed to take and that she had always wanted to see Tennessee. So, she came out to visit for a few days over Memorial Day weekend in 2001. We had a blast that weekend! I don't remember a time when I had laughed so much. She left, fully enjoying her vacation in the south. It wasn't until after she left, however, that I began feeling more than just friendship toward her. We talked on the phone more often and e-mailed nearly every day for a while, and then I decided to just tell her how I felt. We had known each other for so long that I wasn't shy to share my feeling with her, and I decided to take a chance that she was feeling the same way. So I told her... and she was silent on the other end of the phone. She said she had a great time, but wasn't ready to move any further in our relationship than friends at that point. Also, she was interested in a guy in San Diego whom she had been friends with for a while. That hurt my ego a little, and later I found out that she didn't feel comfortable talking to me any more... she felt bad for rejecting me. So, our communication pretty much ended at that point, other than the occasional e-mail. I ended up moving to the Inland Empire of southern California upon graduation to attend a one-year residency. I was excited to be in closer proximity to her (about 2 hr drive from San Diego), but we ended up seeing each other only once during that year when we carpooled back to central California for our ten-year high school reunion. I moved back "home" after an 11-year absence and began to settle myself in. Got a good job, bought a house and was enjoying being nearer to my family, including my niece and nephews. Then I went back for a 1-week stint with the Caribbean Mercy ship in Honduras. I had spent some time with them during my time off in grad school, and they were desperate for a volunteer at this particular time. While there, I befriended a girl from Norway. We kept in contact via e-mail over the months following my time on the ship, where she was a full-time teacher for kids who lived on the ship long-term. We really connected at that time and had talked about deeper relationship issues. I wasn't sure I felt more than friendship toward her, but she was certain we had a future together. She ended up coming to California when the ship went in for repairs for a month during June of 2004. This where the story gets really interesting. I received an e-mail from Amy stating she was going to be in the area for Father's Day weekend and heard I had bought a house. She wanted to stop by to see the house, she said. I kept forgetting to e-mail her back, being busy with work and then my Norwegian friend being at the house at all hours. When I did e-mail her back, she was already on her way and did not receive the e-mail until later. I found out later she was frustrated she didn't hear from me and just decided to forget about me that weekend. I looked up her parents' phone number through another friend's parents who live in the area, as well. When I called her at her parents house, we agreed on a time for her to come by. I did mention that I had a girl from Norway staying with me for a while, and she didn't really respond to that statement. So, she came by and I opened the door, with Annette standing beside me. Amy looked nervous, but boy did she ever look beautiful! I gave her a quick tour of the house, along with a driving tour (with Annette in the back seat) of the small town I live in, including the office with my name on the building... she was impressed, I could tell ;-) She mentioned she was leaving the next morning to return to San Diego, but that she was running out of contact lenses. Since I'm an optometrist, I told her to come on by on her way out and I'd give her an exam and order more contacts for her. After she left, Annette asked what had happened between Amy and me in the past, because she could tell there was more to her visit than just seeing my house. Amazing how women can sense these things... and I was there completely unaware. Annette and I had a long talk that evening, and I agreed that there was interest beyond friendship, but I wasn't sure how strong it was. She recommended that she move to the area after her time on the ship was finished so we could have more time to date and see if there was a future for us. This sent up all kinds of red flags in my mind! My friends had always joked about my fear of commitment, and her moving here from Norway seemed to me a pretty huge commitment! Amy came to my office the next morning and I proceeded with her exam. While I was writing in her chart, she remarked "Steve, I'm so sorry for how I treated you." It really caught me off guard, so I said the intelligent thing, "What?" She went on to explain how bad she had felt at how she rejected me a few years back and how she had pretty much ignored me and not returned my phone calls the previous year during my residency. I did not know what to say, other than "Thank you, but an apology is not necessary. No hard feelings." She left the office, and I was utterly confused. What did she mean? Was there more to it than just an apology? She later told me that she chose that time to talk because her vision was so blurry before she put her contacts back on that she couldn't see my face, which made her less nervous! Then, suddenly, all of the old feelings came flooding back. I was letting my heart get way ahead of my mind, which was very skeptical of Amy's intentions. Then, my very next patient was Sarah, my brother-in-law's cousin, whom I knew through family birthday parties. I didn't even see her name on the schedule, but there she was wanting an eye exam. During her exam, Sarah proceeded to say," Steve, I have to tell you that I have an ulterior motive in coming to see you. I think you're a really great guy and I'd like to get to know you better. Would you like to go out with me sometime?" I was floored! My mind was spinning and I could barely finish her exam. What was going on here? Was it my new pants from the Gap? I told her that I was already seeing someone (whom that was I wasn't yet sure) and we finished with an awkward goodbye. Later that week, I had a three-day reprieve of my European visitor when she went on a trip to the Grand Canyon. The first night of solitude I had had in three weeks was wonderful, and I phoned Amy. We talked frankly, and she said she knew at one time my heart was in a certain place. Well, hers was there now and she was wondering if my heart could still be in that same place. I told her I was very confused and that Annette had talked about moving to the area. All the while, though, I was seeing how opportunistic my relationship with Annette had become and that there were so many cultural differences that a relationship would be very difficult. I immediately felt drawn to Amy again, but was cautious as to how much I let her know right away. She had broken my heart once and I was going to guard against it happening again. I made plans to drive to San Diego to visit Amy once Annette had returned to the ship. Once there, I knew immediately that Amy was the one I would spend the rest of my life with. We dated throughout the summer, taking turns driving the 6-hr trek every other week until she was in a situation where she had to find a new apartment. She took that opportunity to move back with her parents so we could be closer together. That was in January of this year, and time has really flown by since she moved back. I love seeing her every day and can hardly imagine we are the same people as the kids in the picture of our high school Christmas formal. Now both 31 years old, we continue to build on the friendship we've had for most of the past 17 years, and we've been dating for more than one year now. I proposed to her just four weeks ago, and now we are busy making wedding plans for November 4th of this year. And I couldn't be happier.

 

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