Corporate Event Party Theme - Look-A-Likes at a Corporate Event
Welcome and a non-static hello. This is Marvelous Mike the multi-purpose microphone reporting to you from the heart of Convention Land, luxurious Las Vegas. From Insurance Industry bashes to Law Office Lalapalooza's, I've broadcast them all. But I have to tell you, I've never had as much reverberating fun as when the Celebrity President Look-a-Likes came to town. They came from all over the U.S. and all walks of life. Famous look-a-likes from Lincoln to Bush Sr. and Jr. took to the podium for an afternoon of political hi-jinx.
I watched with bated breath as the mock Leaders of the Free World accepted the audience's applause and began the afternoon's presentation. Today, the ex-Presidents told us, Democrats and Republicans alike were going to hear the inside scoop on how to be a President. I have to admit my interest was piqued. I had always believed that in our great country anyone could grow up to be President. Just take a look at Gerald Ford and George W. and you know it can't be that hard. But could any thing be President? An inanimate object has yet to be voted into the Oval Office as far as I know--although Jimmy Carter did his best version of one and Al Gore got pretty darn close. I was all "receivers open" to hear what the ex-President look-alike people had to say.
Teddy Roosevelt started things off with a word to the wise. He said that being President was sort of like being a mule being left outside during a thunderstorm. The crowd hushed in stunned silence as if to say, "What the heck does that mean?' I tried to make some sense of the analogy, but all I could come up with is that you must have to be a stubborn ass if you're going to stand there for four years and take whatever downpour of crap is heaped your way.
"Settling In" was one of the first topics discussed by the copycat politician look-alikes. Gerald Ford said the first thing he had to get used to was everyone referring to him as the POTUS. He said he didn't understand why he wasn't simply called Mr. President, or Gerald, or even G-man. Nixon explained to him that POTUS was an acronym for President of the United States, P.O.T.U.S. Ford still didn't understand. Fortunately as Ford was contemplating this "puzzle," he tripped over himself, fell off the podium, and had to leave to have his brain bandaged.
Abe Lincoln, the tallest of the look-alike people, stepped up to discuss the most Frequently Asked Questions about a President's first days in office. I couldn't get over how much taller he seemed in person. Maybe it's that bizarre hat he wears. What is the point of the extra six inches? Storage space? Anyway, he pointed out that as President you don't have to make your bed, take out the garbage, or even walk your dog. There are White House staffers who will happily take care of these mundane things. He pointed out that, although there are no rules regarding the kind of pets a President can have, most choose dogs so that they can be seen on camera petting and playing with the furry pooch. This is just a big sucker job to make the American public think the President's "a regular guy"--a regular guy who's never more than an arm's length away from a metal briefcase that controls the "go" buttons of a world-destroying nuclear arsenal. Honest Abe also pointed out that, although Presidents can do pretty much anything they want to as far as extracurricular entertainment, he suggested First Families should stay far away from those little off-Broadway plays---they can be a real headache.
George Washington then took over the podium to talk about a typical day as a President. He said he would rise at the first sign of daybreak and work feverishly until the last candle melted away into a pool of wax or until Martha screamed, "Dinner!" Clinton seconded this kind of workday, but Ronald Reagan and George W. disagreed vehemently. Reagan said that a well-rested President is a President who can make better decisions. He recommended a Presidential nap be taken everyday. He said it re-energizes both body and soul and it's also a great way to kill an afternoon. The George W. look-alike agreed and added that a President should always plan his day around the important affairs of the country as well as any "Saved By The Bell" reruns.
Bill Clinton was up next to talk about how a President should get to know his staff. A celeb look a like Monica Lewinsky was in the audience and raised her hand to ask a question, but for some reason the Clinton look-a-like ignored her. She seemed as though she had put on a little weight since the "non-sexual relations" incident and for some reason was wearing an out-of-style dress with this big stain on it.
Clinton told us that each President has a staff of over six thousand people. He felt it was important to try and remember as many names of the staff members as possible. He offered us his little trick for doing this. Clinton explained that when he first would meet with any new member of his staff, he would try and repeat the person's name in conversation as many times as possible. For example, he asked us to imagine that a White House Intern named Mary has just entered the Oval Office for the first time. He would say, "How do you do, Mary," or "It's a pleasure to meet you, Mary," or "That's quite a tight, figure-forming, piece of Spandex you've got on, Mary."
Then it was time to hear from the Richard M. Nixon famous look-alike. This guy was a dead-ringer for the California native, complete with the long ski-nose, the double-handed victory sign, and the "I'm not a criminal" smile. Nixon told us he was going to brief us on how to handle press conferences and then offer some tried and true responses for answering "the tough question."
First and foremost he talked to us about remaining cool, calm, and collected no matter how irritated you might become. Nothing wrecks a press conference quicker than a President blurting out, "Screw you, Jerk Wad!" Then he offered his top five responses to questions he didn't want to answer. One: "Wow, you news guys ask the most interesting questions. Next." Two: "I can tell you've done your homework on that one. Let me pass it on to the experts." Three: "I'm sorry, I can't hear you that well. Next." Four: "I told you, I'm innocent." Five: "Ha-ha-ha. Next."
When Nixon left the podium it was time for lunch. We were told that the afternoon session would be highlighted by appearances from First Lady look a likes past and present. Word got out that Hilary Clinton would be opening the post-lunch activities with an acappella version of "Stand By Your Man" followed by a duet with Pat Nixon entitled, "He ain't heavy, he's my Hubby." And if that weren't enough to rush back for, later in the day Barbara Bush would be offering special one-on-one beauty tips on how to look and dress twenty years older than you really are. That's a definite "must see." But the thing that's got everyone buzzing is a possible special appearance by the celeb look a like, Arnold Schwarzenegger, at the one-dollar-a-try "Grope Me" booth. All this and a Macaroni and Chicken Buffet! Wow, Life doesn't get much better, huh? Until my next report, this is Marvelous Mike signing off. Good Day and Good Listening to you and yours.