Renewing Your Vows - One More Time with Feeling

Tags: renewing vows, more>>renewing vowsA wedding is a celebration of falling in love and beginning a marriage; a reaffirmation is a celebration of staying in love and staying married! Renewing your vows is a way to gather family and friends together to show them just how that celebration of love and life can prevail in a world full of divorce.

You’re about to celebrate your twentieth wedding anniversary. This is a great milestone in the life of you and your husband. You reflect on the years, the children who may be off to college now, the things you’ve accomplished together, the good work you’ve done in your lives, how happy you are with your life and your mate. You remember your simple little wedding that included your parents, your husband’s parents and the minister. You begin to think about how nice it would have been to have had that big, white wedding that your mother really wanted you to have! It’s not too late! What better way to celebrate a wedding anniversary than with renewing your vows!

What “rules” apply when planning to renew your vows? None!

What to wear. The choice of what you wear of course will be determined by your current age or perhaps the style of the ceremony. But choose something that makes you feel elegant and of course it doesn’t have to be white! Your husband may feel more comfortable in a business suit rather than a tux or a nice shirt and sport coat if the ceremony is outdoors or more casual.

Who performs the ceremony. Since you are already married, the person who performs the celebrant need not be a clergyman or a notary (although it can be too). Instead you may wish to choose someone who has known you and your husband your entire married life (it could be the person that introduced you!) and also has watched your children grow up.

Who participates. If your children are musically inclined, this would be a good opportunity for them to showcase these talents. Your children may also serve as your “attendants” instead of a traditional bridal party. If your parents are still living, you may wish to include them as readers in the ceremony.

The vows and text of the ceremony. Many clergymen have texts already written for the renewing your vows ceremony. But here’s a chance for you to be creative instead. The nervousness that is typically associated with a wedding may be less at a reaffirmation ceremony due to the comfort that has settled in with your lives. So a more lengthy personalized set of vows written by the couple may be more appropriate. You may also wish to include reference during the ceremony that all married couples in the assembly stand at some point and join you in their reaffirmation. Often engaged couples select the anniversary of the bride’s parents as their wedding day. A “surprise” reaffirmation segment of the wedding ceremony could be incorporated to celebrate the longevity of the parents’ relationship and serve as a milestone for the couple who are about to be married.

A reception? Of course! Why not continue the celebration of your relationship with a big party for your friends and family! While the traditional “activities” of the reception would probably not apply (bouquet and garter for example), a first dance, a toast by someone close to the couple and the cutting and serving of a wedding cake are certainly appropriate.

Gifts. After a long married relationship, a couple typically has everything they need (although those towels in the bathroom may be looking a little frayed!). So you may wish to indicate to your guests that they need not feel obligated to send or bring a gift. How do you communicate this to your guests? You may wish to incorporate the following phrases into your wedding invitation: The “present of your presence” is the only gift we need (subtle); Your attendance will be the greatest gift (subtle); Our greatest gift is your presence—no gifts please ( to the point); Your greatest gift to us will be your presence (subtle); No gifts please (to the point). You may also wish to suggest a guest make a donation to their favorite charity in your name rather than send or bring a gift.

Other approaches. It may be that you did have that big, white wedding 20 years ago (that your mother wanted you to have!) and you wished that you had done something more simple or unusual. So here’s your chance to take renewing your vows to the beach, to the mountains, to another state or even a foreign country! While the number of guests may be less this time, you will include the very most important people in your lives on this reaffirmation adventure!

 

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