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This section will include some activities that can be included in a bachelor party.
You will have to use your judgment as to whether these acts are acceptable and will be tolerated. We are merely providing you with a list to start with. How you use it is your own responsibility. The guide is color coded.
Blue is primary for the boys
Pink is primarily for the ladies
Green is a go for both
Red is not really recommended.
Drinkin - What party wouldn't have a lot of drinking. Since bachelor/ette parties are all about letting it hang out, drink harder. See our list of appropriate cocktails for some party drink ideas!
Punishing The Groom / Bride - Plan on some form of punishment or public humiliation for the honoree. Making them look like an idiot is always appropriate. A big condom hat, or a penis pacifier is good. The old ball and chain will let everyone you encounter know who is being taken off the market. A stupid t-shirt is always a classic. Perhaps something you made yourself with a magic marker.
Gamblin - For some reason gambling is sometimes present at bachelor parties. It is appropriate for a cut of the house winnings to go to the "stag" (the fund that is given to the groom at the end of the party). Be warned though, sometimes the stag is spent by the best man on lap dances.
Drinkin Games - You are going to need to drink fast and what better way to do it than drinking games (well, you could just drink shots). Quarters (sometimes called quarter bounce) is good, so are others like asshole, thumper, Viking. I'm sure you know a few. No? You don't know any drinking games? Call of the wedding you need to live a little first.
Eating greasy food - Pizza is good, buffalo wings, a gigantic sub, burgers, fried chicken, all of these are appropriate for a bachelor party. The only rule you must follow is that no one can make any of the food (unless it is a barbecue) everything must be purchased. Remember, this is all about excess, not about Mom's homemade recipe.
Opening Gifts - Sometimes bachelorette parties attendees bring gifts (this never happens at bachelor parties unless Budweiser in a brown bag is considered a gift). Be warned that these gifts are rarely well-meaning. Even more rare would be a useful bachelorette party gift. Those edible underwear don't launder very well. Single use only.
Playing With Party Favors - Part of the fun will surely be had with party favors. See our section on blow-up-doll etiquette. Penis shaped straws for the ladies, boob-shaped can covers for the boys. Everybody have fun, you can't act this way around your future spouse.
Dirty Jokes - OK, its time to tell the really raunchy ones. You know, the ones that are not acceptable in the office.
Druggin - Not really recommended, but certainly practiced by many.
Watchin Porno Flicks - The rule of thumb here is that porno flicks at a bachelor party are meant not to be arousing, but to be disgusting. Try to find ones with titles like: "What's that stink?" or "big mama jama". A good bachelor party porno should be painful to watch. Afterall, who wants to stand around a bachelor party with a stiffie. It is better to gross-out your friends. Any titles that are non-English speaking are good. I saw a German one where a woman stood on her head and wet all over herself. Perfect!
Playing Party Games - Bachelorette parties often have party games. Guys if you somehow find yourself in the hell that many call a "Jack and Jill" party you will be forced to play games such as "pin the penis on the dude" or the version for men with no backbone that couldn't get a bachelor party "pin the boobs on the babe".
Men that have a real bachelor party might end up with other games such as "pull the groom out of the gutter" or "get the best man off the stripper" etc.
More Drinkin - If someone isn't out of control, you need to drink some more. Have you seen our guide to bachelor and bachelorette drinks?
Public Humiliation - In an earlier section we discussed punishing the groom and bride, but here you should make sure that the punishment is administered in a public place. Common public humiliation includes making the bride do a checklist of dares, or having the groom stripped to his underwear at the local nudie-bar.
Strippers - Strippers are a must-have at any self respecting bachelor or bachelorette party. See our guide to getting the most out of your stripper.
A "Show" (lesbians, barn animals, etc.) - Want a bachelor party that everyone will remember? You'll want to have a show. Be warned, though the shows rarely live up to advanced billing.
Hookers - You can figure out what this means. If you are dumb enough to do it, be smart enough to wear a condom. Don't bring anything home.
Vomiting - Any self-respecting groom will end up the night to plastered to perform any acts that aren't allowed. It's a fine line however, between being too plastered to pop and puking. A good best man can show the groom past that line.
Lying - This is sort of a lingering effect of a good bachelor party. The better the party, the longer you will have to lie for. Even a mediocre bachelor party can make for a good 40 years of lying.
Getting Caught - Note that this one is in blue, meaning for the guys only. This is because women never get caught doing anything wrong. Also because most women are too goody-goody to do anything worth getting caught over. A warning though, there is always a rat-bastard in every bunch. If yours is too close to your future spouse you might find yourself in this situation. You are in trouble. Be especially wary of the brides "platonic friends."
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In the Contract/Oath below, you must adhere to all guidelines and procedures in a strict fashion. When the document refers to the Bachelor, he will be the one who is the poor soul about to be incarcerated for the next 60 years with the same woman! The guys consisting of the Bachelor party are described as Bachelor Brethren and are the ones who should make the Bachelor's party a success by following the regulations below! Please take the following document as serious (seriously funny) as possible since it will provide hours of fun and memories.
I _____________________ solemnly swear that on the weekend of ______________, 2006 in celebration of ___________________'s Bachelor party; I will abide by the following rules and regulations:
1) I will not, in any way, take pictures with people of the opposite sex, those who look female and may have had a sex change or any animals while the Bachelor party is in progress. Failure to follow this rule will automatically make me exiled from the party.
2) I will act like I am five and promote immature behavior the whole weekend, including loud, obnoxious outbursts are welcome during the festivities with at least one type of alcohol shot purchased by the Brethren for group or bachelor consumption.
3) I will consume alcoholic beverages and promote drunkenly misconduct in the safest and most appropriate fashion. If I am a sober driver or have a note from a doctor, I am excused from drinking but must still promote animalistic behavior.
4) I will back up my fellow-Bachelor Brethren and always provide wingman-ship, even if it means hanging with an ugly fat bearded lady for a few hours!
5) A Bachelor Brethren who has too much alcohol or has poor taste and is speaking with fat, ugly chicks for more than one minute must be escorted back to the group of Bachelor Brethren for protection and to save himself from embarrassment (which would have possibly occurred the following morning).
6) I must embarrass the Bachelor at least once per hour. Embarrassment can only take the form of attracting attention toward the poor soul getting married, and includes but is not limited to, finding women to help in doing body shots with the Bachelor, making the bachelor sing to women, dressing the bachelor up in silly clothes like prison attire, hand-cuffing the Bachelor to a blow up doll and any other creative behavior!
7) In case of the emergency of a bachelor brethren needing to pray to the porcelain goddess or visit Mr. Tidy Bowl Man, it is essential that I make sure one Bachelor Brethren goes with the other Brethren In Need (BIN).
8) It is my responsibility to commute to a more exciting atmosphere when group energy is dwindling. I must interact with other bachelor brethren to form a plan in moving to a more exciting environment.
9) I will not, at any time, think of work-related matters. If work does consume my mind, I will forfeit party status and be seen as an outcast by the bachelor brethren.
10) Before signing the document below, I will say out loud, "What happens at the Bachelor party STAYS at the Bachelor party!"
(Signature of Bachelor Brother)_______________________________ Date_________________
(Signature of Best Man) _____________________________________ Date__________________
Advice for the Bachelor (poor soul) about marriage: |
